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We Should Have Just Been Friends.

edited-12943We were sitting on a couch together at one of me and roommates famous house parties. He was flirting, I was flirting. It was fun times. I’d do my lap around the room, playing gracious host, but somehow I’d always find myself returning to that couch. He was cute. Correction, he was hot. He was sweet too. And above all, he was into me. Done. Numbers exchanged and we were off into dating bliss for all of…two weeks.

There was a chink in the armor.

Actually a few chinks. But I ignored them… after all, he was so sweet… and hot.

A couple more weeks and a couple more chinks. Hmmm ya, this isn’t going to work. But… he’s… so.. sweet. Like that kind of, take you and your roommates out, sweet. Like that kind of, come over and cook for you, sweet. I must Ignore. Ignore. Ignore. Perhaps the chinks aren’t really chinks, perhaps I’m being too picky, perhaps I’m comparing him unfairly to the previous one, perhaps…

Perhaps, these chinks ARE real. Very real.

Against all my better judgment, I think… I had to end it. But now what?

But of course, we stay friends…let’s hang out when we can or speak from time to time.

Nope, was his response. Why would we do that? I have enough friends.

Ouch.

Hmm k, well I guess that’s that.

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But it isn’t just that. I genuinely miss him as a friend, and although I didn’t fancy him as anything more, I hoped we could continue to be friends. He didn’t though. He saw our relationship as one of all or nothing.

Maybe my desires were selfish, who knows. He does have the right to pick and choose his friends, right? In all honesty, I’m not sure what else I could have done to steer clear of an outcome like this. Perhaps we should have never dated. Now I see him frolicking with my roommates… ‘so you can hang out with them, can you… thought you had enough friends‘… yes, I’m a little salty annoyed. Perhaps we should have just been friends.

I suppose one can’t be too mad because if I look at the reverse, just a few months ago I did the same thing:

‘We can ease up on this friendship thing for a while.’

And I find my actions completely reasonable when I’m the one dictating them *shrug*. I guess this is just one of those casualties of dating. But, I wonder… how does one minimize these types of outcomes? If you knew losing a friendship could be a possibility, would you be deterred from dating someone? In my case, looking back, prob not.

Poll [Results] Wednesday – 11/2/2011

Do You Remain Friends With Your Exes?*

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*The original poll was posted on October 12th, 2011:  http://loveafrican.wordpress.com/2011/10/12/should-you-remain-friends-with-an-ex

Should You Remain Friends With An Ex?

Given the success of my last music-inspired post, I had to do another one. This link http://bossip.com/463076/adele-forgives-ex-boyfriend-who-inspired-album-21-90210/ popped up on my twitter timeline the other day, and it got me thinking about how people deal with their exes. I’m pretty sure the majority of us could only wish to have an outcome such as Adele’s after a breakup. The 2-time grammy winner and dubbed ‘queen of pain’ has had tremendous success from her 2nd album, ‘21′: 10 million copies, #1 in 18 countries at one point. Most people know that it was a devastating breakup that served as inspiration for her award-winning album; with songs such as ‘Someone Like You’ and ‘Rolling in the Deep‘, it is no wonder Adele has soared to the top of the charts. Not only is her voice timeless, but she has been able to convey such raw emotion in her songs about love and heartache.

Regarding her ex, Adele said recently in an interview, “We’re becoming friends again. It’s alright, I know what I’m doing. Enough time has gone by… He changed my life, I can’t deny that. The album helped me get over splitting up with [him]. It helped me forgive and I hope that he has forgiven himself.”

I’m wondering what you all think about it? When should you let an ex go for good and when should you remain friends? I thought it was interesting that bossip.com stated in their article: ” [with] 10 million album sold… why not forgive him?” To me, forgiveness and getting over a relationship is a very different thing than friendship, especially if your breakup wasn’t mutual (and in her case also pretty devastating). Friendship takes a lot more strength (and generally more time). In my experience, I don’t see very many people staying friends with their exes- and let me be clear here, I’m assuming friendship to be more than just the sporadic ‘hey, how’s it going, I hope you’re well’. However, if you are able to truly get over the person and remain friends, more power to you. Usually the true test comes when the other person moves on, how do you feel then?

So let me know, do you remain friends with your exes? Does it depend on whether the breakup was mutual or not? Or whether you hang in the same circles? Take our poll below.

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