White Women.



PillowTalk’s new question has been up for about a week now on Bandeka, but it’s taken me a little bit to put together a piece to address the issue. Why? Because the topic of black men with other women white women isn’t the same topic as interracial dating for people black women, so the topic has to be treaded on delicately.

 Never have I ever seen a race of men who are so quick to date outside of their race as black men.

A couple weeks ago, I saw this piece announcing Michael Jordan’s engagement to his longtime girlfriend Yvete Prieto (a Cuban American model). There was nothing particularly exciting about the announcement, however I was floored entertained at the comments written by readers. They go on in a similar manner to the one I just quoted above:

“Sistas, let this be a wake up call to keep it movin and do what you need to do. Its obvious that we’re not considered worthy and have been hated by our own men for quite sometime…”


“There is nothing I can say that hasn’t been said already …Black men are sell outs, black women are jealous, love has no color…blah blah blah…”

“Et tu, Michael? Boy, what are there now, like 3 black women in the world so all those who are famous have to look to other races?”

At first, I did throw some judgment at the commenters- ‘haters, much?’, however when I recalled a conversation that I had with a friend a few months ago, I had to check myself. A few months ago, after seeing a picture of a successful African man that I admire a lot, I asked my friend if the white lady beside him was his wife. ‘Yes, that’s his wife’. My response was a sadden, ‘oh ok’. Not because I have anything against interracial marriages white women, not because I have anything bad to say about her personally, but because it’s becoming common to see powerful black men marrying outside of their race, and sue me, when I see a successful happily married black couple, I smile a little inside (if Obama’s wife was white, I wouldn’t feel the same way about the first couple). A friend put it quite reasonably to me, there are so few black men ‘at the top’, and white women have their pick of a much wider pool of white men every other type of man, so it stings more when they dip into our jar. [Read here why black women rarely date outside their race/white men: http://madamenoire.com/124921/reasons-why-black-women-dont-date-white-men/5/. It also stings to be passed over by an eligible black man when he ‘makes it’ – statistics show that as black men increase their earnings and status, a larger percentage marry outside their race. So back to the first comment I referred to in this post, I do agree with it- I may be wrong, but I can’t think of any other race where men are so quick to date outside AND celebrate it. (Though this is probably one of the worst examples out there, see here).

Ladies, here’s some good perspective on things though: “While it may annoy you that a black man chooses to date outside his race, it’s also foolish to fixate on a segment of the population that clearly has no interest in you. If this same man chose to date black women, he may prefer them in a certain size, shape and color that you may not fit and he’d overlook you anyway.  So what’s really the difference?”* Perhaps instead of racking our brains as to why certain black men don’t want to be with black women, black women should just keep it moving and look for that person that wants to be with them.

It’s so easy to clump ‘blacks’ together as well, but there are differences between African Americans and Africans. I’m interested to know your thoughts on African men. Is this a phenomenon across the board for black men? Do you think African men tend to sideline African women for white women as their incomes increase or when they ‘make it’? From my experience, African men DATE white women, but MARRY them less; I’ve actually heard this from African men I know: ‘I’ll date white women, but it’s not like I would ever marry one.” Does that make African women feel better? Anyhoo POLL BELOW, let me know your thoughts… this should be an interesting one!

Make sure to check out White Women Part II




  1. This whole white-girl/black-guy issue always makes me laugh. While it is true that the trend is for black guys to end up dating and marrying white women, there’s no denying the fact that this is the 21st century. Interracial marriages have become common place. The way I see it, eventually, the world will become all one race and one language.

    That being said, interracial marriages aren’t for everybody. Statistically, Black Women and Asian Men are the most unmarried groups of people in America and that’s partly because they are unwilling to date ANYONE outside their own race. I will also concede that another part of the trend has to do with how often one group is approached by another. Generally, people of other races tends not to pursue relationships with the previously mentioned demographics perhaps because of race, class, education, or what have you.

    As far as African guys are concerned, in my experience they seem to want to live an adventurous lifestyle with all kinds of women, but when it comes to settling down, there’s no place like home. I think family has a lot to do with this trend. I’ve been in situations where some members of my extended family have implied (and in some cases, directly stated) that I shouldn’t bring home girl from outside my ethnic group. My general assumption is that many African guys go through this same situation as well.

  2. I agree it does sting when I see a successful black man with a white woman. But the fact remains that love is colorblind and so is attraction.
    If a man finds himself attracted to white women… I cant stop him. I just have to open myself up to all the other fish (of different cultures and race) that are still in the sea.

  3. In my opinion, it is not the black men that have abandoned their race. It is the white women. From what I have observed, it is the white women that are making moves on the black men and not the other way around. White women are letting black men know that she wants to have sex with him. This is happening in an alarming rate and yes, it stings a little. But from what I have read from comments of both black women and white women about black men, white women don’t start out the relationship with “I will only date you if you make over $100k/yr.” Albeit, they (white women) start out a relationship with a black guy by saying “I’ll only date you if you have more than ____ inches”. But, that’s white women for you. No morals.

    1. You’re kidding when you say you’re a lawyer, right? White women ”no morals.” That’s a fairly broad stroke of the brush. I’m awe inspired by your patent ignorance. Pretty funny. I kinda’ had a chuckle as I heard you slide down the evolutionary slippery slide.

      To my R&R beloveds. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill with this piece. You are beautiful. A man worthy of your love, attention, and devotion, will walk into each of your lives. I know this.

      I love this blog.

      Thank you.

  4. Everyone has their story. My baby is black and he put a ring on it before I move somewhere for him. And he conquered me not the other way around. I didn’t leave my race. We are all the human race. Color just adds a Little nice of twist. It seems that my man has shown he loves and appreciates me more than any boyfriend I’ve had from my culture. It’s really not about that. But that doesn’t matter. I love my baby for who he is. Both my baby and I have morals we are waiting for the wedding day. Size doesn’t matter.

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