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I’m really in awe at how this blog has grown in the past few months. I count it a privilege to write for Bandeka, and share my random crazy thoughts about love, life, and nonsense. However, I want the blog to become more interactive with the Bandeka family – Of the People and For the People 🙂 This is why I recently reached out and asked for guest pieces – https://loveafrican.wordpress.com/2012/03/26/do-you-have-something-to-say-about-african-love-guest-blog-for-bandeka/ AND why I’m soliciting your thoughts below. Let me know what you want to hear more of! Love advice?? Current (celebrity) news?? General African/Diaspora topics?? …Sex?? I’ve given you the option to write in your answers as well. So let me know, I’m all ears!
I recently discovered the blog Mind of Malaka, and it has become one of my new forms of entertainment. Malaka is a Ghanaian blogger based in the US who writes about marriage, motherhood, and madness! In a post that I stumbled upon: “Spousal Stimulation Does Not Always Equal Arousal’, Malaka discusses things married couples do, which single people would not understand (or people who are just dating). I thought the piece was quite disturbing hilarious, so I had to share. Malaka’s piece is a stark contrast to another article I was reading, which discusses a woman’s need for a little mystery in her relationship, ie. women should never let their men see them ‘putting on spanxs’ (or shaving their moustaches, tweezing their eyebrows or beards, or engaging in any act that relates to grooming, maintenance, and bodily functions the bathroom). I wonder if the latter is an old school of thought, while the other is the new norm for committed relationships. Before you jump to say that you have a history of being very open with your significant other, let’s run down Malaka’s list, shall we?
Let me also quote Malaka before I run through the list: “Let’s face it: there are things married folks do that people in casual relationships would never even permit, even as a passing thought. The bonds of matrimony are (supposed to be)that strong.” Here we go…
“1.Kissing your spouse in the mouth first thing in the morning without brushing your teeth.
2.Taking a dump in the same room while your spouse brushes his/her teeth.
3.Picking your spouse’s pimples and blackheads. (I admit, I happily did this when any guy I was dating would allow me to. Nothing makes my day like hearing a pimple go *squish!*)
4.Shaving each other’s pubic hairs
5.Cleaning up your spouse’s poo if he/she was too sick to get to the toilet immediately.
6.Cleaning up your spouse’s puke if he/she got carsick after a long trip.
7.Calling from the checkout line to ask if the “absorbency on these sanitary towels are the right level”.
8.Asking if the other party has gum, and being responded to with a partially chewed piece from the other person’s mouth.
9.Lying in bed playing the “make a new sentence with the last word of my sentence” game. (This is actually really fun!)
10.Farting in the middle of a heated conversation and carrying on like it never happened while the other person stares in disbelief before eventually fleeing the scene of the stink.
11.Scratching your butt, waving your fingers in your husband’s face and asking him if it smells like chocolate and/or roses.
12.Fighting over who gets to hide from the children in the attic.”
Still singing the same song??? OH me, OH my. On one hand, it’s great(?) that people can be so comfortable around each other, but I do wonder how one can keep up the sex appeal when you’re squishing the pimple of your spouse? Or scratching your …. let me stop. lol. I’d be interested to hear her husband chime in on the discussion. Given that guys are so visual, I wonder how seeing your wife take a dump while you’re brushing your teeth affects your relationship… or maybe it doesn’t at all…???
Regarding the other article, I wouldn’t agree with the author’s grand-old neighbor, who believes it is a sin to let your man see you “in a face mask, rollers or housecoat.” However, I agree that my desire to see my ‘other half’s ablutions or maintenance tricks, or for him to see mine’ is verylow. Also, let’s point out that labors of love, such as #5 and #6 on Malaka’s list, don’t fall in the same category as say, #8…
What do you think? Better for the two of you to be ‘one’ for all intents and purposes, or are there some things that are best kept to yourself — POLL BELOW!
You’ll never get a second chance for a first impression, they say. So what are you doing when you’re in a social setting and looking to meet a certain someone (or someones)?
“the very early part of developing relationships is important to the success of long-term relationships, including marriages.”*
How’s your flirting/networking style? Are they producing the results you want? Regardless of whether you’re a timid person or mr/ms popular, there are various approaches to being sociable. Perhaps dissecting how you find, attract, and communicate who you are and what you want will help you produce results you want.
Personally, I am not the most comfortable in social settings where one has to continually mingle around making small talk. As social as I can be at times, I find these settings so much work whereas others find it quite natural. I have my moments of being social, but I would never say that I am the life of the party, however I’ve come to realize that I don’t need to be in order to network effectively and also to meet someone of the opposite sex. You have to find what is most comfortable to you, and what you would like the outcome of your interaction to be: are you looking for a number? Someone interesting to chat with just for the evening? A business partner? Or your other half?
According to a study*, which surveyed over 5,000 dating adults about how they communicate romantic interest, there are five distinct types of flirting. More importantly, these types of flirting are associated with different relationship outcomes:
“Traditionalflirting thinks men should make the first move, and women should not pursue men…. Compared to men with other flirting styles, traditional men tend to know someone for a longer time before asking them out. Both genders are likely to be introverted preferring quiet, intimate settings to large social scenes.
Playful flirting seems to enjoy the game, flirting is for fun and self-esteem. This style is less likely to result in important or meaningful relationships, (for obvious reasons).
Physical flirting communicates sexual interest. This style of flirting is a quick way to develop a relationship with sexual chemistry and emotional connection.
Polite flirting uses nonsexual communication and proper manners. People with this style of flirting take a slow approach, and don’t find flirting flattering. They tend to have meaningful relationships.
Sincere flirting expresses genuine interest and creates emotional connections. People with this style of flirting tend to have relationships that involve strong emotional connection, and sexual chemistry- these tend to be meaningful relationships.”**
Does your flirting style express who you are and what you’re looking for? Does this also help you pick up the signals of others- ie. maybe s/he is just looking for a great conversation for the night, not someone to take home to mom. I will follow up on this blog with specific flirting (and networking tips), so be on the look out for that soon!
I had a lot of fun writing this piece for the folks over at DustAccra. We, at Bandeka, have some-what of a crush on these guys and gals. Great people doing a great job over in Accra! Make sure to check their site, and download the entire Edition HERE or here: Dust-Magazine-March-2012-bandeka. If you can’t see the piece clearly, just click on the picture. Enjoy!