communication

I’m Too Old for this

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I’ve heard the likes of this tweet verbalized A LOT lately. In relation to games, lies, flip flopping, and the general indecisiveness that can come with dating, the consensus has been:

“I’m [just] too old for this [behavior]”.

The interesting thing I’ve noticed about this statement is that nothing really has changed of the ‘(dating) game’ per se, just their our participation in it. I say ‘our’ because I can proudly add myself to that list of statement makers.
Indeed, I have my own ‘I’m too old for this’ story that I would like to tell on this here fine beautiful Monday in Accra. So let’s begin, shall we…
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03c9b5ead512b42c56c386b566e87039I met a guy a few months ago, who I immediately took a liking to. We started off slow but steady, developing a good
friendship and genuine enjoyment of one another’s company. The mutual attraction was growing and if I’m honest with myself it was the first time in a long time that I could see myself being with someone in a meaningful way long term, or as Amma put it one day, “Wow, you *really* like him, eh?”. *Shrug* I did. And this, you can say is a very hard thing to come by for me, hence her bewilderment. In any case, it would appear that just as things were beginning to grow roots the tree was abruptly and quite frankly, incomprehensibly uprooted. Yes… he ghosted.
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I feel like for the remainder of this story my words won’t give due justice to what happened, so how about I let someone else tell the story for me? Because when a male tweeter so graciously tells the story of mine and millions of other women so eloquently as was done on the twittersphere a couple weeks, you gotta let him do it. He (Mr. Nonprophet_) even graciously added in the opaque portions of the other (man’s) side of the story, which so often gets left out when I we women write retell rant. I must say that I love when men do mansplaining of dating, because it validates that we women aren’t crazy in some of the things we say, and it allows stories to be told without people pointing accusatory fingers at something the woman (supposedly) did wrong, or without them taking on an accusatory tone that the woman is telling the story from a bitter angle. So thank you, @Nonprophet_ . **Read to the end, RR – it’s a good read🙂
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I realize I am getting too old to be a ghost buster. No more time to be out here trying to chase the wind. And I am glad that @Nonprophet_  has shifted the onus of this struggle.

Let me know your thoughts! Did @Nonprophet_ just tell your recent (or not-so recent) story? Men, is this accurate?

What’s Your Love Language?

edited-12943I am temporarily in a living situation where my cousin’s girlfriend visits the house a lot. Watching them interact and observing how they make decisions ‘as a couple’, particularly concerning their future, brings to light what I love (and miss) most about being in a relationship (right now): Being in a partnership with someone.

And here’s what I mean…

For me, probably the best part about being in a secure longterm relationship is having someone to be your partner-in-crime. I am currently looking for an apartment in Accra (no small task, might I add), and I’m running around town seeing places with various agents… updating my price to location to convenience to roommate vs living alone matrix after each viewing (don’t judge me), and it would be so nice to have someone to go through this experience with me. Someone to listen to my abuse of the agents and my insults of the ENTIRE foreign community in Accra for jacking up real estate prices! Someone to tell me I’m wack for even contemplating living in Osu/Labone/ or Cantonments* for less than $1500/month, and to listen to my economic analysis on how this housing bubble will. have. to. eventually. burst. Pause: Clearly, I’m feeling some kind of way about my apartment search right now. But you know, someone to say, “hey babe, don’t pay out rent for more than a year**, because we might be looking for a place together by then”… Hehe🙂

Although I’m getting ample advice from friends, and I have my ride-or-die dad who will accompany me to a viewing at the drop of a hat, and put in his two cents (even when not solicited), it’s different when you’re doing it with your significant other.

5-love-languagesI’ve yet to read the famous 5 Love Languages book, but I know for me, the highest form of intimacy and when I feel most loved by my significant other is when they become my go-to for making life decisions, and I become theirs… when they’re hearing me out regarding career and life decisions and supporting and encouraging me to make the best decisions given all the seen and unseen moving parts. When they’ve become not just my teammate, but my biggest cheerleader as well.

Have you thought about your love language lately? What does it look like, and have you articulated it to your significant other so that they can show you love in a way that you can actually feel?

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Bonus: Just because I love seeing couples that display a friendship and are just having fun with each other, I’ve put a video below that has been circulating around the web. Aside from it’s comedic nature, I just LOVE how this couple interacts with each other. #Toocute I had to post. Enjoy!

* areas of Accra where I would be straight crazy to ask for something less than $1500/month

** in my beautiful country of Ghana, landlords ask for rent payments for a yr to 2yrs, upfront; yes, you read right: upfront.

Early week fun: Things I love, Things I hate.

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We start with the hate first:

Ain’t this the truth? This past weekend, I hosted a birthday party for one of my best friends, and during the course of the evening I showed her the above picture on facebook. She immediately started screaming, “Do you know how true this is?” She then physically showed me recent birthday text messages from her suitors far and wide, and you could tell right away which ones fell into the two categories above. The worst of it all was that the guy she really cares for forgot about her birthday.

Ok, love next:

FLOWCHARTS! And isn’t this one just great? I hope it helps you make the RIGHT decision the next time you pick up your phone🙂 (If you can’t see the chart clear enough, just click on it and it will expand). FYI, this applies to both sexes.

source: http://visual.ly/should-i-text-him-flowchart